Best Friend's Wedding, Meet, New Mom

My best friend's wedding was last weekend. It was like nothing I've seen in my life! Hipper than any Hollywood soiree, guests as beautiful as seen on any red carpet, and more tasteful than the sweetest of Kardashian weddings. I only know that because I was at both - well, sort of. I reported from Kim K's wedding to Kris Humphries (remember that!?) and actually attended my friends nuptials. So lemme just say, this wedding was SENSATIONAL without being over-the-top and that, in my opinion, is hard to do. 450 guests, 3 nights of wild parties, 1 Sunday brunch, followed by an open house complete with food trucks and every dessert you could possibly imagine.

The Venue: La Qunita, California, better known as Coachella - yup, where all the kids go once a year to get high, listen to music and compare rompers and flower crowns (puke) This weekend, the air was warm, decor- romantically chic, with a perfect mix of wood accents and beautiful, pastel floral arrangements. Every "T" was crossed, every "I" dotted thanks to a specific vision from a stylish bride, executed by her amazing Mama and her party planner. Our bridesmaids dresses perfectly matched the romantic mood and the men were dapper in black tuxes. The bride and groom were stunning and all I could keep thinking?? It's wonderful to be alive.

I also learned a lot this weekend. Midwesterners choose Vodka over just about anything, diamond rings can closely resemble like ice-skating rings, and babies are the only real ones in charge. From the moment I stepped foot on that hot desert ground, it hit me, things will never be way they used to be, but change is a beautiful thing. So while my best friend has entered into this new phase of life, as a married woman, I'm embracing all the changes in my own world, as a Haute New Mom. Here are my Top 10 Reasons why life as a new mom changes everything.

10. Anything after 9pm feels like 2am

9. "I'll meet you at the pool in 10" turns into Hubby, baby, puppy, stroller and a trail of shit following, rolling in an hour late looking more like The Griswolds than The Gorelicks

8. 7am is sleeping in

7. Two shots of Kettle One means 2 bottles of hard-earned breast milk, pumped and dumped

6. A call to Mom watching a fussy baby is to say I'll be home early, not late

5. "Padding your bra" takes on a whole new meaning...to protect the world from leaky nipples

4. Taking the "early" bus home means you're the youngest by 20 years. In fairness, it was after 1am.

3. A trip to the bathroom means just that.

2. Water is the new Vodka

1. When your baby wants food, your baby gets food. Even if you have to strip down in the lobby in front of the entire bridal party to feed the little monster.